© 2014 created by Cindy
Life & Executive Coach
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Attraction: The power to attract others to oneself, one's ideas, one's person.
To Attract: To gain admiration, esteem and trust / Convince, captivate, charm / Be irresistibly attractive when speaking of something
Your life is built on the foundation created by your relationships with other people.
Whether in a family, love, professional or social context, your goal is always to please, seduce and be accepted. In order to achieve this you constantly use your powers of attraction.
Being attractive is about a feeling, a sense of possibility that makes you vibrant and appealing.
We all have our own way of being and acting when we interact with others.
Whenever a new person enters your life, you instinctively position yourself in the new relationship in a way that is dependent on who the person is and on the situation at that moment. But the main determining factor in any relationship is self-esteem.
Self-esteem is the image and opinion we hold about ourselves.
A lack of esteem, or having a poor view of yourself, can lead to complexes: you might suffer from embarrassment, which could sometimes lead to social paralysis, having sweaty hands or wanting to disappear from a situation that feels uncomfortable.
How can you transform these unpleasant feelings into a sense of ease that gives you the freedom to be charming, vibrant? How can you know what to say, leaving the person you're speaking to with a pleasant memory and the desire to see you again?
If you aren't comfortable interacting with others, bear in mind that the ability to create and nurture harmonious relationships is a skill that can be learned.
Coaching can help you work on, or reinforce, the three fundamental pillars on which self-esteem is founded. These are:
Self-image: the way you see yourself, based on your own perceptions.
Self-love: the capacity you have to love and accept yourself, embracing any weaknesses or faults and recognising qualities, desires and needs.
Self-confidence: the ability to allow yourself to act efficiently to achieve the results you desire.
After all, how can others believe in you if you don't believe in yourself?
So how do we explain the existence of these constant self-doubts?
We all hold a deep, ancestral fear – the fear of rejection. This fear develops from a very young age and, already as children, our decisions are based on what will please our parents. Later in life, decisions are determined by the expectations of teachers, friends or other peer groups.
Today, we live in constant fear of judgment and criticism.
"I can't do that", "I suck", "I won't succeed", are examples of what your inner voice, always the first to discourage and criticize, is telling you.
We are our own worst critics, constantly judging ourselves – jumping in before anyone else can. Frankly, we wouldn't tolerate the things we say about ourselves if they came from someone else, not even a close friend.
This habit of self-criticism can be devastating and lead to a complete loss of confidence as well as a constant and tortured self-second-guessing.
Self-doubt can be a real handicap in life and hinder you from building meaningful relationships with others.
But self-confidence, like self-esteem, can be nurtured by changing your perception. There are tools available to help tame a lack of self-confidence.
You can, with the support of a coach, learn how to appreciate, rather than depreciate, yourself.
Are you ready to:
Accept that you are not "perfect" and that nobody is.
Simply say "thanks" when you receive a compliment, believing in the sincerity of the remark.
Learn how to speak about and "sell" yourself, in an interview for instance.
Learn how to say "no" - instead of saying "yes" because you are afraid of conflict. Or simply learn how to say, "I don't know" without feeling ashamed.
Accept that your emotions and needs are different than those of other people, and defend your views whilst respecting those of others.
Laugh at yourself. And be tolerant.
It is, of course, important to question oneself and one's actions, but you must learn to do this with compassion and objectivity, to think positively about the person you are.
Because, at the end of the day, being attractive is founded on the courage to be oneself and go beyond the fear of rejection.
Don't be fooled into thinking that physical beauty is important because there is a major difference between being beautiful and being attractive.
Being attractive, fascinating, desirable, is determined by your behaviour – not your physical appearance.
To be magnetic to others you must strengthen your self-esteem by transforming your inner voice into one that is friendly and encouraging.
Learn to be at peace with yourself, by recognizing and appreciating your qualities, your resources, and by tolerating your weaknesses, imperfections and limitations.
When you accept yourself fully you are able to share your true self, detach from the need to prove yourself to others, find your place in the world and be yourself without ever having to play a role. By doing this you also give others permission to be themselves.
Stop assuming this is impossible. Making it possible just takes a little more effort than simply saying "I can't" before even trying.
Opt for an "I can" attitude that will, I'm certain, lead to positive change.